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Love with a suitable Roast

Kirby Carson

Andreas’ career as a flautist was sadly brought to an end when the John Oliver instrument storage area suffered an arson attack.  Evidence of the impact of this act of vandalism on his psyche is:
1. he plays  the viola now, often by firelight on a vacant lot
2. he has created a memorial to the event called “12th Night” at which he builds a massive fire with the help of rancid cooking oil, old Christmas trees, and diesel fuel
3. his eyes light up in pyromaniacal glee when he beholds matches, firecrackers, or crème brule.

Korina Stark

After initial disinterest, Sharon is said to have written to Andreas proposing that she come to Mission to hike, read, and reflect.  What did he do –or not do- to prompt her to take charge?
1. bought her a vacuum
2. launched another damn good book
3. he really cooked

Ron Skene

Sharon’s father, standing in a steadily approaching water taxi, is reported to have acknowledged her presence by crossing himself.  He did this because she was:
1. standing on some nearly submerged rocks while waving a warning flashlight
2. the devil incarnate
3. sunbathing nude while putt-putting for Vancouver in an outboard-powered dinghy full of like-minded young women

Kurt Grimm

Andy is apt to take off on a quick motorcycle road trip as long as Environment Canada can guarantee dry weather.  His approach to motorcycle maintainance is governed by:
1. Zen philosophy
2. His Mennonite background
3. Sharon

Eileen (O'Donnell) Ihara

A funicular railway rising up the cliff on the Beach Avenue property is referred to as “ The Facelift”.  It is so called because:
1. cute ski-jump noses run in the family
2. it commemorates a ghostwriting / editing job for an egotistical Hollywood plastic surgeon through which its construction was financed.
3. Disney holds the rights to “The Matterhorn Bobsled”

Angela Skene

According to mythology, Andy first set eyes on Sharon when she and her friend McFet arrived at his under-construction Mission house with a birthday bottle of Chivas for George.  After hours of sub floor nailing by all present, the guests departed and Andy asked George, “Who is that woman?”  What really got his attention was:
1. she knew how to hold a hammer
2. she knew how to hold her scotch
3. she had legs

Eleanor May

Sharon successfully sits on the Co-Housing Cooks Committee.  She attributes her ability to do so to:
1. her term as alderwoman in Mission where she had authority over the Sewer Board
2. Her job as Secretary Manager of the Mission Legion during which time the president informed his male executive that they should all check their pants because this lady seemed to have more balls than the rest of them
3. Her banking position at a time when the dress code demanded girdles

I forget who did this one

The Schroeder-Brown household is renowned for its entertaining and fabulous food.  Few present would guess that Andreas stocked his pre-Sharon cupboards with Sweet Tarts, Tang, Fudgicles, and the revered staple, “Schroeder beans”.  His startling advancement in culinary taste is a lasting testament to:
1. evolution
2. chairing The Writers’ Union and the UBC Creative Writing Department
3. Sharon


The twin targets of "Love with a Suitable Roast" plead guilty of all of the above.



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